Thursday, September 29, 2011
Opening Ceremonies at Michigan Womyn's Music Festival
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I Care
There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.
Goddess carving made for me by my friend Kathlean, after meeting at Michigan Womyn's Music Festival.
Finding out what we care about can take time, and it evolves. What do you care about?
Monday, September 26, 2011
What is it?
What *is* it, then? What is the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, to me?
Before I went to my first fest, I knew women/womyn are oppressed, I felt it in my personal life. I didn't fully realize how bad it is until I went to fest and felt the absence. In 2004 when I first went to fest, I worked in the inner city as a sex offender treatment provider for men and women adult corrections clients. I was the parent of two young girls and I worked over 60 hours a week for a man who made much more money than I and did not offer any benefits of any kind. I was surrounded by men all the time, washed in their women-hating thoughts and actions. Going to fest helped me see the patriarchy almost as a literal framework in which we all lived, a framework which twisted and damaged every living person in it. I saw it through its absence for that three and a half days I was able to stay. Of course, it was really still there, but only in our internalization rather than pounding us constantly, every moment in the rest of our lives. Michfest is so much more than seeing what womyn can do, all by ourselves. It is also seeing what is done to us every single day, when we don't have to endure it for JUST ONE WEEK.
I was talking with my girlfriend about not feeling very strong lately. She asked when was the last time I felt it. Fest. I feel strong there, I feel more me. This past year at fest I attended two yoga workshops. The style is anusara yoga, which emphasizes opening the heart. This is a perfect example of what begins happening when I step foot on the land. It takes time, but my heart opens. My heart opens, I begin to breathe into movement, and my muscles sing with joy. At the second class, I volunteered to demonstrate a difficult standing balance pose. My left leg was out straight behind me, my left arm reaching for the sky. My face turned up to the sun, my eyes closed. I could hear the wind moving through the leaves fifty feet above me. About thirty womyn gathered around as the instructor pointed out my strong stance, the lines of my body, how relaxed my eyes were. I have never felt so strong and and beautiful. I was also wearing only shorts.
Like all of us, I try and carry some of that with me when I leave. I bought a warrior pose necklace, my girlfriend bought me a labrys to remind me I am a strong amazon warrior. I signed up for a yoga class right away because I really loved that feeling and wanted to keep it rolling. I am pretty flexible and had no trouble getting into the poses. I felt the instructor went too fast, did not pay any attention to the students, and I also kicked over one of the complimentary cups of tea during the middle of the class. Still, I would have kept attending if it weren't for the mirrors. The superficial me reflected in the mirrors distracted me completely from my True Self and I was unable to feel my power. I am so much more beautiful reflected in the eyes of my sisters at fest.
I bought a dvd.
Before I went to my first fest, I knew women/womyn are oppressed, I felt it in my personal life. I didn't fully realize how bad it is until I went to fest and felt the absence. In 2004 when I first went to fest, I worked in the inner city as a sex offender treatment provider for men and women adult corrections clients. I was the parent of two young girls and I worked over 60 hours a week for a man who made much more money than I and did not offer any benefits of any kind. I was surrounded by men all the time, washed in their women-hating thoughts and actions. Going to fest helped me see the patriarchy almost as a literal framework in which we all lived, a framework which twisted and damaged every living person in it. I saw it through its absence for that three and a half days I was able to stay. Of course, it was really still there, but only in our internalization rather than pounding us constantly, every moment in the rest of our lives. Michfest is so much more than seeing what womyn can do, all by ourselves. It is also seeing what is done to us every single day, when we don't have to endure it for JUST ONE WEEK.
I was talking with my girlfriend about not feeling very strong lately. She asked when was the last time I felt it. Fest. I feel strong there, I feel more me. This past year at fest I attended two yoga workshops. The style is anusara yoga, which emphasizes opening the heart. This is a perfect example of what begins happening when I step foot on the land. It takes time, but my heart opens. My heart opens, I begin to breathe into movement, and my muscles sing with joy. At the second class, I volunteered to demonstrate a difficult standing balance pose. My left leg was out straight behind me, my left arm reaching for the sky. My face turned up to the sun, my eyes closed. I could hear the wind moving through the leaves fifty feet above me. About thirty womyn gathered around as the instructor pointed out my strong stance, the lines of my body, how relaxed my eyes were. I have never felt so strong and and beautiful. I was also wearing only shorts.
Like all of us, I try and carry some of that with me when I leave. I bought a warrior pose necklace, my girlfriend bought me a labrys to remind me I am a strong amazon warrior. I signed up for a yoga class right away because I really loved that feeling and wanted to keep it rolling. I am pretty flexible and had no trouble getting into the poses. I felt the instructor went too fast, did not pay any attention to the students, and I also kicked over one of the complimentary cups of tea during the middle of the class. Still, I would have kept attending if it weren't for the mirrors. The superficial me reflected in the mirrors distracted me completely from my True Self and I was unable to feel my power. I am so much more beautiful reflected in the eyes of my sisters at fest.
I bought a dvd.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
My first Michfest
I first heard about Michigan Womyn's Music Festival from a coworker named Kate around 1988. She is a very tall womon with short curly black hair at the time. Kate laughed loudly and often, but was also pretty private about her personal life. She never actually came out to me, she just very gradually let me into her personal life so I could see the Hothead Paisan and Dykes To Watch Out For books on her shelf, and the Fat Is Beautiful magnet on her fridge. Kate originally told me she worked at a Girl Scout camp for a month in the summer, cooking in the kitchen. I had been to Girl Scout camp, so I could picture exactly what she meant. An industrial kitchen inside a giant building with tables like a cafeteria, a great room with a huge stone fireplace, a long screened in porch right near a lake with canoes. As she gradually let me in to her real self and I didn't run away screaming, she let on that she didn't actually work at a Girl Scout camp. It was a womyn's festival. All womyn, no men. Lots of music, clothing optional, even in the kitchen. Of course, now that I had my mental image of the Girl Scout camp, the nudity in the kitchen seemed pretty nuts and dangerous! Kate moved not too long after she told me she really went to Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. She moved in with her girlfriend she met at fest, a womon with a name she clearly wasn't born with but that I can't remember, a fest name certainly. Something like Artemis or Echinacea or Denver Daddy or something. Kate and I have not kept in touch. I know she was an amazon lesbian separatist, and I look for her every time I am at fest but I know I won't see her.
I started going to the UU church and there is a group of womyn there who have a singing sister circle I got sucked into by accident, and they talked me into going to fest in 2004. It wasn't too hard to talk me into it of course. I was ready. I even asked a woman to come with me, my first womon lover. We took the Badger ferry on the red eye, got there Thursday morning. We had a good time, and I was hooked. I did a kitchen workshift and looked for Kate, laughing at my image of the kitchen versus the reality. I spent lots of that time crying. I am married and have two kids. I knew I was attracted to womyn and thought maybe I was bisexual. Being at fest helped me see who I am. I am a dyke. Being around other dykes is where I am most comfortable. I've never felt so much a part of a group. Michigan has never been just a party in the woods. It is now and has always been more like boot camp for feminist political and spiritual growth and development for me. It isn't all about sex, although I've grown sexually. It isn't all about friends, although I've made deeper and more friends there than anywhere in my life. So what is it? Perhaps I'll try and answer that tomorrow.
I started going to the UU church and there is a group of womyn there who have a singing sister circle I got sucked into by accident, and they talked me into going to fest in 2004. It wasn't too hard to talk me into it of course. I was ready. I even asked a woman to come with me, my first womon lover. We took the Badger ferry on the red eye, got there Thursday morning. We had a good time, and I was hooked. I did a kitchen workshift and looked for Kate, laughing at my image of the kitchen versus the reality. I spent lots of that time crying. I am married and have two kids. I knew I was attracted to womyn and thought maybe I was bisexual. Being at fest helped me see who I am. I am a dyke. Being around other dykes is where I am most comfortable. I've never felt so much a part of a group. Michigan has never been just a party in the woods. It is now and has always been more like boot camp for feminist political and spiritual growth and development for me. It isn't all about sex, although I've grown sexually. It isn't all about friends, although I've made deeper and more friends there than anywhere in my life. So what is it? Perhaps I'll try and answer that tomorrow.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Michigan Womyn's Music Festival and Intention
What do you like most about the festival?
I like the female-only community.
Each year, I have felt more and more a part of the festival and not just a visitor. It affected me from the beginning of course, but MWMF has created a feminist in me by offering up what womyn can be, in spite of the forces which work against us in society. Every workshop I’ve attended has spoken to me as a woman, born and raised as a girl with expectations from my parents and teachers, friends and lovers, siblings-my whole world-and helped me grow to see the invisible chains of patriarchy. I have become stronger, more of a fighter of the oppression I see daily and more willing to speak out. Every year fest helps me in direct and indirect ways. This past year was pivotal for me. I have moved from activism in my own life, making changes on my own behalf, to activism for others. Womyn born womyn space is needed, cherished, and valued and we will work to keep it.
What improvements would you suggest?
I know Lisa Vogel has reinforced, restated, and maintained that the intention of fest for wbw stands. Also that fest was created in the spirit of dissent, and that dissent is valued in our community. I agree completely. Dissent is essential for growth. When does unresolved dissent turn into acceptance? At what point does the lack of acceptance transform into a destruction of the goal itself? What are we to do when an intention is not respected? I know how to handle it when someone drinks in chem-free, I can ask a woman why she doesn’t have a wristband on. I have done these things successfully, without creating drama or getting security involved, and with positive resolutions. I don’t know how to address the violation of a penis-bearing trans woman being at fest. I don’t know who to talk with about it, how to handle that. Security? I am aware that most of Security and Box Office workers support the inclusion of trans women. I understand that fest is under pressure from the current lawsuit and I imagine we don’t want another one. Perhaps that is why there is no stated intention about wbw on the website, or the tickets, or the program. I have done quite a bit of thinking about intention and enforcement.
I have a deeper understanding of what an intentional community means pragmatically after helping as CCE in RV this year. Two womyn were filling up their water tank at the spigot, a water source which is unintended for festies to use in that way. The worker asked them not to do it, explained why, and they just did not care. They ignored her, filled up, and drove off to park. What were we going to do? Call Security? Kick them out? No. The truth is most womyn would not and do not fill up there. There are some people who do. We ask, we remind, we gently teach. And then let it go. I am not sure what behavior would get what response from “Fest”. Physical abuse? Theft? I have heard the boundary is “no penises on the land” but also of course no panty checks. What if I see a trans woman I know to have a penis, from her youtube and porn videos she has posted?
I personally made myself visible as a festie who supports the wbw intention by wearing a red triangle, a wbw patch, and a Girlhood is Significant hat. It felt so good to see how many other festies support it also, womyn being visible and using our voices. It felt good to know we are not as we are portrayed by the trans activists and their wbw supporters: mostly old, a minority, wallowing in victimhood because we want space as wbw to work on ourselves. I am a parent who needs time away from her kids; that does not mean I don’t love them. I refuse to feel guilty for wanting space with other womyn who were born and raised girls and continue to live as womyn. I know I am not a bigot, or “phobic” (irresponsibly and inaccurately used in this context), I am not immature and I don’t hate trans women. The criminal damage to fest property last year mobilized me and my friends to speak up and also to research what is going on with the TWBH group. I am not impressed with what I read. I hope the workers who wore the TWBH shirts have some insight into the effect that had on many womyn. Some(not most) workers seem to view festies as annoying at best and dangerous at worst and I think some lack education in how to hold power gently. I observe and listen and the workers wearing TWBH shirts and buttons were not people I wanted to talk with. Workers need to be available to festies, and the TWBH swag created distance. I do know workers who support the wbw intention and none of them wore shirts, patches, or armbands declaring that while on shift. No one wants to feel censored. It simply looked to me that the TWBH workers do not care about the wbw who need and desire the boundaries of festival to be respected. No conversation or post or update since fest has changed that impression. There is a huge lack of empathy for the womyn attending fest who need and want wbw space. Several friends of mine were directly affected by the feelings of invasion they experienced this past year, and still are affected negatively. They will not post on the bb about their increase in anxiety, their fear of taking a shower because there might be a person with a penis there, the bad dreams and panic attacks because their very real feelings will be minimized, trivialized, and they will be called liars. That is what I have experienced when I shared my experiences about how I was treated by trans activists at fest.
I went to the Allies in Understanding workshop and I enjoyed talking with Matie, my assigned counterpart. The workshop was an attempt to teach us how to talk about the issue of the intention and inclusion. I don’t think it addressed the issues. Most of the womyn I spoke with know how to have a conversation, even when they disagree. The people who post horrible crap on the internet are not the hill in the bell curve of opinions. I and my friends who support wbw space are compassionate and able to share what we think and how we feel without being disrespectful to the other person. How can we feel safe to talk when the people who do not care about boundaries are right there, not caring? My main response to that workshop was disappointment. I reject the labels from trans activists and their wbw supporters. I am not phobic, fest is not bigoted and separate space is not oppressive. We as womyn who want and need separate space, do not need to apologize, minimize, or rationalize. I hope to be a worker next year, not to increase my activism toward supporting the intention, but because I feel I have received so very much and am ready now to give that much back to the community. Fest is not and has never been a vacation for me, it has been hard work on myself. I want to see that it stays strong, and I am now able to reinvest that energy by working during fest.
I like the female-only community.
Each year, I have felt more and more a part of the festival and not just a visitor. It affected me from the beginning of course, but MWMF has created a feminist in me by offering up what womyn can be, in spite of the forces which work against us in society. Every workshop I’ve attended has spoken to me as a woman, born and raised as a girl with expectations from my parents and teachers, friends and lovers, siblings-my whole world-and helped me grow to see the invisible chains of patriarchy. I have become stronger, more of a fighter of the oppression I see daily and more willing to speak out. Every year fest helps me in direct and indirect ways. This past year was pivotal for me. I have moved from activism in my own life, making changes on my own behalf, to activism for others. Womyn born womyn space is needed, cherished, and valued and we will work to keep it.
What improvements would you suggest?
I know Lisa Vogel has reinforced, restated, and maintained that the intention of fest for wbw stands. Also that fest was created in the spirit of dissent, and that dissent is valued in our community. I agree completely. Dissent is essential for growth. When does unresolved dissent turn into acceptance? At what point does the lack of acceptance transform into a destruction of the goal itself? What are we to do when an intention is not respected? I know how to handle it when someone drinks in chem-free, I can ask a woman why she doesn’t have a wristband on. I have done these things successfully, without creating drama or getting security involved, and with positive resolutions. I don’t know how to address the violation of a penis-bearing trans woman being at fest. I don’t know who to talk with about it, how to handle that. Security? I am aware that most of Security and Box Office workers support the inclusion of trans women. I understand that fest is under pressure from the current lawsuit and I imagine we don’t want another one. Perhaps that is why there is no stated intention about wbw on the website, or the tickets, or the program. I have done quite a bit of thinking about intention and enforcement.
I have a deeper understanding of what an intentional community means pragmatically after helping as CCE in RV this year. Two womyn were filling up their water tank at the spigot, a water source which is unintended for festies to use in that way. The worker asked them not to do it, explained why, and they just did not care. They ignored her, filled up, and drove off to park. What were we going to do? Call Security? Kick them out? No. The truth is most womyn would not and do not fill up there. There are some people who do. We ask, we remind, we gently teach. And then let it go. I am not sure what behavior would get what response from “Fest”. Physical abuse? Theft? I have heard the boundary is “no penises on the land” but also of course no panty checks. What if I see a trans woman I know to have a penis, from her youtube and porn videos she has posted?
I personally made myself visible as a festie who supports the wbw intention by wearing a red triangle, a wbw patch, and a Girlhood is Significant hat. It felt so good to see how many other festies support it also, womyn being visible and using our voices. It felt good to know we are not as we are portrayed by the trans activists and their wbw supporters: mostly old, a minority, wallowing in victimhood because we want space as wbw to work on ourselves. I am a parent who needs time away from her kids; that does not mean I don’t love them. I refuse to feel guilty for wanting space with other womyn who were born and raised girls and continue to live as womyn. I know I am not a bigot, or “phobic” (irresponsibly and inaccurately used in this context), I am not immature and I don’t hate trans women. The criminal damage to fest property last year mobilized me and my friends to speak up and also to research what is going on with the TWBH group. I am not impressed with what I read. I hope the workers who wore the TWBH shirts have some insight into the effect that had on many womyn. Some(not most) workers seem to view festies as annoying at best and dangerous at worst and I think some lack education in how to hold power gently. I observe and listen and the workers wearing TWBH shirts and buttons were not people I wanted to talk with. Workers need to be available to festies, and the TWBH swag created distance. I do know workers who support the wbw intention and none of them wore shirts, patches, or armbands declaring that while on shift. No one wants to feel censored. It simply looked to me that the TWBH workers do not care about the wbw who need and desire the boundaries of festival to be respected. No conversation or post or update since fest has changed that impression. There is a huge lack of empathy for the womyn attending fest who need and want wbw space. Several friends of mine were directly affected by the feelings of invasion they experienced this past year, and still are affected negatively. They will not post on the bb about their increase in anxiety, their fear of taking a shower because there might be a person with a penis there, the bad dreams and panic attacks because their very real feelings will be minimized, trivialized, and they will be called liars. That is what I have experienced when I shared my experiences about how I was treated by trans activists at fest.
I went to the Allies in Understanding workshop and I enjoyed talking with Matie, my assigned counterpart. The workshop was an attempt to teach us how to talk about the issue of the intention and inclusion. I don’t think it addressed the issues. Most of the womyn I spoke with know how to have a conversation, even when they disagree. The people who post horrible crap on the internet are not the hill in the bell curve of opinions. I and my friends who support wbw space are compassionate and able to share what we think and how we feel without being disrespectful to the other person. How can we feel safe to talk when the people who do not care about boundaries are right there, not caring? My main response to that workshop was disappointment. I reject the labels from trans activists and their wbw supporters. I am not phobic, fest is not bigoted and separate space is not oppressive. We as womyn who want and need separate space, do not need to apologize, minimize, or rationalize. I hope to be a worker next year, not to increase my activism toward supporting the intention, but because I feel I have received so very much and am ready now to give that much back to the community. Fest is not and has never been a vacation for me, it has been hard work on myself. I want to see that it stays strong, and I am now able to reinvest that energy by working during fest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)